"A Lot Can Happen In A Year" by Heather McCoy

A lot can happen in a year.

When I reflect on just how much has transpired in the last 365 days, it puts emphasis on how much I really have been through. I’ve survived not only this year, but the 33 years before this one. I turned 34 in June, and I feel stronger than I have in a long time. Sometimes, it is even hard for my own mind to grasp how much has gone on. From my own health journey, to transplants, to friends passing away. However… it did really happen.

This is my story.

I think often with cystic fibrosis we live in auto pilot mode where our bodies are in constant flight or fight. Let’s be honest, with us it is mostly fight because there is never a moment we get to choose to turn it off. We feel the gravity of what we are going through, but do we really have time to even process it and sit with it? Often the answer is no. We must accept and keep going.

I received my two double lungs transplants, and I knew a kidney was something that could happen in the future but did not expect it to be so soon after my second double lung transplant. I accepted it and knew it would be a hard challenge, but I reminded myself my track record for getting through difficult days was good.

When I said a hard challenge, I meant it. Kidney failure is the same but quite different than lung failure. I was very familiar with lung transplant with receiving my lungs in 2012 and 2020, but the kidney was new territory for me. Things that were the same my entire life like eating whatever I wanted and not worrying about sodium was suddenly was complete opposite. Eating wasn’t even enjoyable anymore. My endurance and strength were low. I always tried to the point of extreme fatigue. I felt I was just existing.  Every part of my body was affected. When I started dialysis, that is when it hit me. The magnitude of what I was facing showed how bad it really was and could get before it got better. I had several people test to be a living donor but a match did not work out. I remained to be faithful and hopeful. In the back of mind, I thought it was realistic when I questioned if this is how it will end? But I never gave into that thought and kept fighting. As time became of the essence and things narrowed with my chances of receiving a kidney, there was still hope. I got down to 5% and dialysis was draining the life out of me… then I receive a call. 

Duke had a deceased donor and I accepted. My donor had hepatitis c and years ago they could not have transplanted, but thanks to medical advancements they can now. I took a medication for twelve weeks. It was amazing, before the end of the treatment I was already cured and counts dropped to undetectable. I no longer need to be tested for it and me and the kidney were unaffected. I have stable kidney function, and my lungs are doing the best they have in awhile. I hit my highest lung function yet! What a gift it is that medical advances can allow something like that to be able to save lives. I have quality of life again; I exercise two hours a day, focusing strongly on my music, writing songs, and my second book. I can plan exciting things to do and having something to look forward to. I truly am living to the fullest.

When I talk about me, CF, and living life to the fullest it is because we fully understand that life is not promised and neither is tomorrow. But while we are alive, we will live the heck out of the time given. I don’t want to get so caught up in waiting for the other shoe to drop that I lose focusing on the good parts of living right now. I also say that life is a gift and should be treated as such. I will never take anything for granted and I appreciate all the things big and small. I see my songwriting flourish with new creativity through this period and what a gift that is, because music is a coping mechanism for me. I feel every note and every lyric. I never sat out to be an author but here I am finishing a second book. I believe there is power in telling a story. Not that I put a spotlight on mine in some ego way, but if my story can help be someone else’s survival guide then I think that is incredible. I try to show people to be proud and never ashamed or embarrassed of what they go through. Through the hardships and scars a warrior is born. I wrote a song dedicated to my donors “I’m Still Here” and it along with my other material is available wherever you get your music from. I know they are deceased, but I wanted to express their courageous decision gave me and others life through their organs. I hear often, “I’m so busy” as if it is a negative and annoyance but people need to stop and think for a second if you are busy then you are alive and capable. That alone is a blessing so when I say I’m busy, I say it with pride and gratitude. There is no shame in our pain, joy, grief, gratitude, sadness and happiness because it is heavy to carry even if we carry it well. I’m not bitter about what I have had to go through I look at it as I’ve had opportunities to make an impact and live.  A lot can happen in a year, and I am not just existing anymore I am living. I’m Still Here. There is always something to be grateful for.