"Is it Fair to Live in Fear?" Elena Goodrow

CONTENT WARNING: This post contains themes of violence relating to guns and shootings, please proceed with discretion. Every statement made in this post is one of the writers personal opinion and does not reflect upon Breathe Bravely and it’s community members.

I have contemplated the best way to approach this topic as it has been on my mind often in recent months. There is no perfect way to speak about something as tragic and heartbreaking as the mass shootings that happen on average twice per day in the United States (This is a real statistic, The Gun Violence archive defines a mass shooting as an event where 4 or more die from gun violence). This past week there was a shooting that occurred on the Emory University campus, which is where my CF doctor is located in addition to other medical providers I see. The place I had viewed as safe is now tainted in my eyes. No place is truly safe when this event could occur anywhere at anytime, and that is a difficult reality to live in.

As an individual living with cystic fibrosis, I am no stranger to living in fear. I try not to live every day in fear as it’s harmful to my mental health, but when a short life expectancy is placed upon you at birth you can’t help but worry about what could happen to your health each day. Throughout my life I’ve learned how to cope with these worries, I’ve accepted what it means to live with a chronic illness and I try to embrace each day to the fullest. I try to always find moments of joy in each day and I believe I do succeed most of the time. However, when it comes to accepting the reality of living in the country with the highest rate of gun violence, I haven’t yet found how to cope with this fear.

In the rural area I live in, everybody carries their guns on their person. They speak openly about harming people that take a wrong turn onto their property, or the fast food restaurant employee that gets their order wrong. I live in fear at the pharmacy I work at when I tell the man with a gun on his hip that his insurance won’t cover a life saving medication. Unfortunately, pharmacy technicians like myself often get the frustration towards medical providers or insurance taken out on them. A pharmacy technician was shot and killed in California earlier this year because of this happening.

I live in fear when I go to class at the local technical college that I attend. Every time I sit down in a classroom I take note of the nearest exit and locate the best hiding spot. I live in fear for my younger siblings when they go to the local public school each day, where a gun was found in a students car last semester. I live in fear going to any public place, even my doctor’s office.

I don’t believe it is fair to live in a world where you must so be vigilant of the possibility of gun violence anywhere you go. I personally think that guns end up in the wrong hands too many times, and innocent people end up losing their lives because of it. It’s hurts my heart to think of all the families who have lost loved ones, especially children simply going to school for the day.

I can only hope that one day myself and others won’t have to be so fearful for their lives on a daily basis. I can manage my anxieties in anyway I can, but that doesn’t stop the fact that other people will likely never be able to manage the pain that comes from losing a loved one. I can only hope that the world will change and that violence won’t always be the default.

Living with CF has taught me to live my life to fullest despite the fear. Even in a town, a country, and whole world full of fear and unknowns it’s always possible to embrace your life and live fully in each moment.