"Life is Weird" by Chris Runge

Life is weird.

I mean, I was the kid who was given 50/50 odds by my doctors that I’d live to age 18, and I just turned 36. Weird.

I was the 23-year-old who was in respiratory failure and dependent on a machine to help me breathe, and now I’m celebrating over 12 years since God blessed me with a double-lung transplant. Weird.

I was inpatient in the hospital a lot last year - probably more than I was home - and I released my debut pop album November 25. Weird.

You might notice a theme here: the word “and”.

This little word encapsulates one of those weird things about life: that two opposite things can be true, at the same time. For instance, I can be happy and sad on my birthday, because it means I’m closer to my expiration date but it also means that I had another year of making wonderful memories. I can also be scared out of my mind and do something cool anyway.

One such experience was when I heard that Donnie Wahlberg - yep, the movie/TV/New Kids on the Block star! - was going to be in my area. I got out of my chair, put on my mask, and drove over to the Wahlburgers restaurant. I had been learning how to sing “Shallow” by Lady Gaga for a few weeks (through the sINgSPIRE program) and so I signed up for karaoke. To sing in front of a pop star. I was shaking so hard I thought I was going to drop the mic! But I still sang. And it was the best feeling. I was already on cloud nine when Donnie told me later how he loved my performance. I would never have experienced any of that joy if I gave in to the fear I felt at the start!

Similarly, I have written pop songs for years, but I never finished them because I felt like I wasn’t good enough of a singer. I thought the lyrics were too personal. The style was too niche. The list goes on, because I had a million excuses. Finally, I realized that I could do it embarrassed. I could do it afraid. I could do it heartbroken. I could do it excited. I could do it hopeful. And that it was not just okay, it made me a more authentic artist. The emotions that I feel, everyone feels at one time or another. The feelings come through in the sound of my voice, in the intensity of the piano chords, in the quiet hopefulness of the acoustic guitar strums.

So, life is weird: I can look back and smile through tears about everything that happened this past year. I can look forward in expectation and still feel the anxiety rise into my chest about what might happen this year. I’m encouraged to know that whatever happens, it won’t be all good or all bad; it will be a mix of everything. I think life is a lot like music, because there are songs which are fast-paced and slow. Excited and pained. Loud and calm. Predictable and surprising. They all make up an artist’s catalogue.

And come on - we all know that the best musicians are all a little weird.

(Please check out my album! Search “Real Life” by CHRSM on all major streaming platforms, or purchase a copy at CHRSM.band)