"Proud Weirdo" by Meghann Johnson

I may be (gratefully) dating myself here, but do you remember the 1996 movie, The Craft? There is a scene where four witchy friends get off of a public bus, and the bus driver nicely tells them to watch out for the weirdos; one of the girls looks at him, says “We are the weirdos, mister,” and smiles at him. I love that movie.

I have always felt that I was a little weird, into things that didn’t seem to follow the mainstream, felt a bit out of place in many situations, haven’t always understood a lot of people, etc - and not only because of having CF. I think I really hit my stride in high school when I had a group of friends that I really fit in with for a time. Being a theater kid, I hung around with an eclectic group, and we had fun being our weird selves together.

As I graduated college and got into the working world, usually in offices or fairly conservative surroundings, I slowly conformed to that model of lifestyle, thinking that it was what I “should” do, or was “supposed to do.” That was fine, but now as I look back, I think I definitely lost some of myself for a while there…I think I got caught up in being what I thought an adult was supposed to be.

Lately, and especially over the past year, though, I have been exploring new areas for myself, but at the same time, rediscovering myself. I greatly attribute it to once again finding my people, with whom I resonate and have found purpose with, and it has truly enriched my life. I think it gave me the “permission” and confidence to let my weird little light shine as brightly as ever. Just the other day, my friend asked to see an old picture of me, so I showed her my senior picture from my high school yearbook, and her response was, “I love it - you look like a vampire!” (I realized she was right, lol.) Turns out, my high school self and I seem to be meeting each other, and I am here for it. The freedom of my youth paired with experience, wisdom, and the waning concern for what other people think of me and what I “should” be doing - I’ll take it!

I have felt a renewed sense of freedom and adventure lately, too. I am allowing myself to get out there, try new things, push myself, believe in myself, and just go for it. Through it all, I am exploring and forming my identity around who I am now, what I want, and who I want to be in this world. Doing so has made me a more fulfilled person, which allows me to be a better mom, wife, friend, and a happier human being. I am truly on a path that I did not necessarily expect, but oftentimes, these are the paths that we don’t realize are meant for us until we’re there. I fully intend to embrace this journey that I am on, learn from it, live life to the fullest, and be my true & authentic self - throughout the ever-evolving process that it is.