"The Slow Lane" by Janae

When you grow up with cystic fibrosis it truly feels like "life is a highway."

From early childhood I was given a short life expectancy. I knew it and I lived by it. I tried to shove as much productivity into each day as I possibly could because I didn't believe I had any time to waste. I had my whole life planned out year by year with exactly what I would accomplish. 

When I started Trikafta in 2020, everything changed. Suddenly I realized I was likely going to live far past my 30s. I might even live double that, and living so fast and furious was not sustainable. I didn't need to cram everything in as fast as possible. I could slow down. I needed to slow down. I couldn't rely on my body crashing to give me breaks. I would have to learn how to give them to myself.

You know that feeling when you pull off the highway and suddenly you feel like you are barely moving even though you are still traveling at 35 miles per hour? That's how my first attempts at slowing down felt. It felt strange doing less, living normally. So much of my life had been focused on getting everything done that I hadn't slowed down enough to learn who I really was. 

This led me on a journey to self discovery to find out who I am as just a person. Not a person with a life expectancy - just a regular everyday person. I tried new things. I dived deep into hobbies that younger me thought seemed cool, but that I didn’t take the time for. All my friends now know me as a Lego fanatic! In fact, my house is consumed by Lego. I do balloon twisting! I spend countless hours playing video games. I give myself permission to do the things that bring me joy!

I stopped doing things that I hadn't enjoyed but felt obligated to do. I made some drastic changes. I left the religion I had grown up in. I moved to a new state where I could form a new identity, where there were no expectations on who I was supposed to be. 

 All of these changes worked for me. They led me closer to being the person I wanted to be and living the life that I wanted. Not the life I was expected to live. Not the life I had planned. The life that childhood me couldn't slow down enough to imagine. 

I am a teacher and on summer break right now. In past I may have felt like I needed to fill my summer with all kinds of tasks. Today I am content to sit outside in the backyard and basking in the sunshine. I have no plans for the day. I live moment by moment. I find joy in just existing. 

I have learned that life in the slow lane is just as valuable as life on the highway.